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Caminos de Michoacán

I turned 34 this month and since my last complete blog, I also turned 33. I cannot believe it has been over a year with countless unfinished blogs. I’ve started a few blog posts since my last post, but I could never find enough ganas to finish them. They ranged in topics, including a few trips we have taken, books I’ve read, my first fall decorations in the new house and all the feelings involved with those experiences. I’ve mentioned before that I am a procrastinator and that has seemed to be amplified with age and lack of energy or will to do things. I think about the old nancy that was a full-time student, full time employee, and still managed to do all the other things and I can’t fathom how a Nancy who only keeps one job now, can’t manage to get her little tasks completed.

I made so many excuses to not write, the biggest was pursuing my Texas Professional Geoscientist license. I took the test in October 2022 and failed, which was heart wrenching, but it made me get serious. I officially became a licensed Texas Professional Geoscientist after my second try in May of 2023. Five months and nothing compelled me to sit down and get a full blog down until now.

The first week of October, Alex and I finally made it to Mexico City (CDMX), a place we wanted to visit before the pandemic. In some weird kind of Mexican mom magic, my mom made me feel compelled to get her a ticket and let her join parts of our CDMX vacation. Prior to this, Alex and I had only experienced Mexico through short tequila and elote filled visits to Juarez when we visit my brother who lives in El Paso.

My mom got her green card after I had gotten married and left the house. Her legal status had prevented her from returning to Mexico for the bulk of my life. I have seen my mom really cry exactly one time in my life. It was when her mother passed away. Man made borders prevented her from ever seeing her mom again after she left Mexico. I did not cry for my grandma; I had never met her. I never met my grandfather or anyone from my mother’s family.

Having my mom join our trip to CDMX gave me a rare opportunity to finally meet some family on my mother’s side. We took it one step further and put aside our first two days to travel to Morelia and Teremendo de los Reyes, Michoacán. Teremendo is the small Mexican town my mother is from. I am grateful my mother joined us and I got the opportunity to see where she comes from and therefore where I come from. I am not sure what I was expecting, but it was definitely not anything I could have imagined.

According to the town “historian” that gave us the low-down, the town existed prior to colonization. I can confirm that I saw a plaque in the town square that commemorated the visit of Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a revolutionary leader who is called the father of Mexican independence. Hidalgo spent a night in Teremendo while leading the independence revolution.

Plaque in the town square that commemorates the visit of Miguel Hidalgo.

Teremendo was beautiful, but not in the obvious ways a town would be labeled beautiful. Most of the homes definitely look like they have been around prior to colonization. I actually found out that when my mom was growing up there, they still didn’t have potable water or electricity. Teremendo only got running water and electricity after a tragedy where multiple children died from a sand landslide. This tragedy warranted a visit from a governor of Michoacán, when he realized Teremendo had no utilities, he campaigned to get them. My mom and aunt told me stories about how they managed to avoid the tragedy that day, even thought they were present. Even though they have utilities, it is nothing like we have in the states, the day we were visiting, my aunt didn’t actually have running water because it was not her day to have water. Using the restroom was an experience, there were so many buckets of water with different purposes, and we totally messed up the bucket system during our first go. In the evening a cousin let us stay in her home because she had running water and we could shower. This shower was very cold and slightly terrifying because an electricity outlet was located right next to the shower head.

Speaking of cousins, I have a lot. As we walked Teremendo, we kept getting stopped and introduced to aunts, uncles, and cousins. Having a big family, is a new welcomed feeling. We went into so many houses and ate about everything you can think of that is made of corn. Many of the houses have milpas inside of them; cornfields, lemon trees, avocados, chilis; if you can grow it an eat it, they had it! When we first arrived, we had fresh picked corn that had been boiled that was topped this with freshly made salsa made from items picked in the milpas.

Milpa inside a home in Teremendo. My mom, me, Alex, my aunt, and the homeowner.

This was an experience, even for me, who had been exposed to the rancho by visiting my grandparents on my dad’s side. I can’t imagine what was going through Alex’s head during this whole venture. Alex who had the perfect American middle-class upbringing. Alex never ceases to impress me. My aunts were wowed by his ability to make himself right at home and happily eat everything he was offered without hesitation. Funny story: I mentioned that when we arrived, we had fresh picked corn with salsa. You must know that this corn is nothing like the corn we have in the states, this white and red corn grown in the milpas is so hearty, dense, and delicious (yellow corn could never)! So good that Alex went for a second corn. When he unwraps his corn, a boiled caterpillar falls from it! Alex elbows me and discreetly shows me the caterpillar on his plate and asks me if he should get another corn instead. I give him the “hell no, you better eat that” look. He eats it. Glad it was him and not me, I would have died!!! Lol

We climbed the cerros to get a look of the whole town and try to hike to where my grandpa used to have his milpa. My aunt picks eatable nopales (cactus) with a stick as we go. The cactuses here get so big, they look like trees. This town looks magical, simple, and beautiful. While it could be very easy to get caught up in the amazing tasting corn and rich history, the truth is that the town is pretty run down and I am not sure what there is to do for work, except for the small stores and people selling food. It is such a simple life. Many of the people I talked to, left Teremendo for work, but came back to retire. The town “historian” told me my mom was one of the first to leave and one who took the longest to come back and visit.

Overview of Teremendo when we climbed the cerros.

My aunt with her stick of nopales. I was very amused at how easily she was picking them by poking a hole through the middle with a stick.

We had to catch a 45-minute bus ride from Teremendo to Morelia in the morning. The first time Alex ever rode a bus was a tourist bus we took in Denver when we went on vacation with my nieces July 2022 (I never got around to writing that blog and then my phone broke and I lost all my pictures). This bus experience was totally different. We were the last ones to get in, so we had no seats, we had to stand the whole bumpy way. The bus was stopping at other small towns along the way, and even when the bus was full, it wasn’t! At one point the front door was kept open as passengers hanged from the bus entrance stairs. As I was standing there sending Alex glances and laughing at the situation, I got this overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry. If you know me, you know crying is easy for me, but this feeling was different. I did not want to cry of happiness or sadness, it was an overwhelming thankfulness. Everyone I met in Teremendo was so nice and their way of life can be romanticized as beautiful, but the reality is, that it is hard, that is why people leave in search of better opportunities and jobs.

Alex waiting to get on the bus to leave Teremendo.

My mom drives me nut sometimes, but I could never thank her enough for being brave enough to leave Teremendo and therefore giving her kids the opportunities, we have. Giving me the chance to say I am a Professional Geoscientist, shoot, giving me the ability to have warm running water every day! I was also very thankful to have blood from Teremendo and Michoacan running through my veins. People living there also must be badass, most of us here could never! I hate talking politics, like religion, I avoid these conversations at all costs, but when it comes to immigrants looking for a better life, looking for more opportunity than where they come from, I will never stay quiet. I am here in my beautiful air-conditioned home writing this blog because of my mom’s bravery to head into the unknown and stay here and work through the challenges that brought us to this moment.

My favorite part about Mexico was all the dogs, however the dogs in the city look fuller than the ones here in Teremendo.

Cows crossing the road next to my grandma’s house in Teremendo.

Before leaving Michoacán, we stopped to have carnitas in Quiroga, then headed to Patzcuaro, La Isla de Janitzio, and finished with a brief stop in Morelia. It was a very long day!

Waiting for my aunts to join us for the Isla.

In search of Gazpacho Moreliano in Morelia Square.

We didn’t even get to CDMX yet…

2025

Disclaimer (or is it Disclosure?!?): I wrote this blog sometime in December, when I was overwhelmed and about to start my period. I did not post it then because I still needed to upload photos, which sent me to my phone instead of my laptop, and well, the phone is an abyss…I feel like this needs a disclaimer because I do not feel exactly the same way now as I did when I wrote it. Seasonal shifts, body changes, and life calming down have a way of changing perspective. But what I wrote was real at the time, and I took the time to write it, so here it is…If I wait to publish until I feel exactly the way I do today, we will be waiting another year, especially since I just published my 2024 post, which is literally just photos. No captions. No explanations. Just me hitting publish because those pictures deserve to be seen! I know my problems are small compared to everything happening in the world. But sometimes we still need to spill them out, take a breath, and keep moving forward. My phrase for last year and this year is Do Not Get Bitter, Get Better. This means not spending time dwelling on things. It means getting on with it and making the magic happen. I have been in much worse places and still got here and I know I can get there again, wherever there is.

Without further ado:

It’s been a weird year (I don’t mean politically and all that, which it has been, but I mean personally). I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for a new year.

I know you don’t have to wait until the new year to start something, it’s just a day, but it is a definite (or definitive?) day… so fuck whoever has the “you can start now” comment… I literally just can’t right now… That, in summary, is how I’ve been feeling… lots of cursing happening.

I went into this year with just one goal in mind, which was to find a new job after a string of very unfortunate events at work that left me feeling pretty insecure about things. Alex had the same goal for similar reasons, and so we focused on that and planned zero vacations in anticipation of jumping ship. Alex found a new job that he is enamored with. I managed to get a couple of interviews, but nothing came to fruition, and ultimately, I ended up just changing positions with my current employer. I started December 1st, so stay tuned…

While I didn’t get to plan a vacation, I did do some long weekends for music festivals, shows, and events. Because Alex got his new job and couldn’t take time off, I even had to do the 50K mountain bike race by myself, which was a rewarding experience. I finished in a faster time than last year, which was my first time (and Alex had ridden with me the whole way).

Since my sights were set on finding a new job, I did not set other goals, not even a goal for my health, which apparently I really need to have something in writing for me to prioritize. I’m grossly over a weight I’m comfortable with, but I’m trying not to worry too much about it, while worrying about it at the same time. It’s impossible to stick to a healthy routine during this time of year, so I’m not even going to try until after the first of the year. Then it’s on like Donkey Kong, no ifs, ands, or buts…you heard (read?) it here folks…I will be snatched in a few months time.

I digress…

No vacations with Alex meant spending my long weekends with girlfriends, which has helped me discover new things I like, and that yes, I’m still a terrible dancer, but who cares. I’m happy being me and happy to have friends who mostly don’t care, unless I bust out the sprinkler move, apparently.

I’ve really checked off some boxes, but at the same time there have been growing pains dealing with Alex having just as busy of a schedule as I keep. There have been missed connections. Normally this is perfectly fine because then we go on vacation and all is well with the world because we remember there is no one else we would rather be hiking up a mountain with, snacking with, and sleeping in a tent with than each other. I love him to pieces, but there is nothing sexy about everyday life. While we do get glimpses and small moments together, the recharge isn’t the same as when we’re crammed together doing the things we love to do.

I’ve been thinking about our relationship a lot because at the end of 2026, he will officially be my longest relationship. If and when we make it, I would have officially been with him longer than I was married to my husband, and that is a bit scary, and maybe not at the same time. When we first started getting pretty serious and Alex started talking about marriage, I told him that we could get married if we made it longer than I did with my husband. Well, that time is now, and I don’t feel like it has been long enough… how has it already been ten years?!?! And why is ten years together not feeling like long enough?!

I tried to remember how I felt when I finally knew that I had to leave my ex-husband, but I can’t remember. If only I could remember so I could compare… don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to leave Alex, but I also know I was happy with my ex-husband at some point too, for us to be together that long. Alex is right in so many ways, but it is terrifying being so definitive about something. I got married young, at 17, and didn’t think much about it. Now, at 36, I feel like I’m much too young to be married. I don’t know enough about life… how can I know?! I know no one can ever be 100% sure how things will turn out, and yet they dive in. Am I selfish for not wanting to do that? I want to know everything…

Going into 2026, I want clarity and structure. Since I only set one goal for myself this year, which I technically didn’t achieve (I didn’t leave my job per se, I’m still with my company, just in a different role), it wasn’t how the goal was originally set. In my head, I didn’t achieve my one goal, and that’s a bit of an ego buster because I’m used to being pretty good at things. It just didn’t quite pan out this year and I’m trying to be okay with that.

So, before we close out 2025, and before I give up on this blog like I did on all the other blogs I started this year but never posted, here are a few moments that reminded me this year wasn’t a loss:

Got my first cowboy hat…so I’m officially Texan! I also camped in a field of cow patties for cattle country festival, so double Texan!

Went to my first Nascar

My niece interned at my job for a month this summer. She stayed with me, and honestly, that might have been the highlight of my year. I never imagined I’d be in a position to help pave the way or open a door like that for someone. I actually started writing a whole blog about this, because when someone found out she was my niece, they called her a ‘nepo baby.’
I’m sorry… did y’all get a full ride to TCU and study environmental science? I didn’t think so…

ACL (it was hot, don’t mind the sweatiness)

I did the Chupacabras 50K for the second time, this time without Alex because he got that new job.

My brother rode with me, but got a flat 8 miles in!

I finished! In better time than when I did it with Alex last year.

Some friends make me wear pink…guess it’s not so bad

My favorite random picture of the sunlight hitting my legs at the playground

2024

Some pictures to remember 2024:

Ode to Mi Tía Escandalosa

My last blog entry was October of last year, after I visited Mexico and met my aunts for the first time. I did not grow up with a large extended family around me. It is not a conversation that comes up often, but I am a daughter of immigrants. My mom was the only one of her siblings in the United States, and her immigration status did not allow her to go back and forth to see her family. She left home as a teenager and never saw her mom in person again because her legal status had not changed by the time my grandma—whom I never met—passed on to a better place.

I did not have cousins and aunts to be close to, which is probably why I put so much effort into trying to be a good aunt to my nieces and nephews, even though I don’t always know how to be there. I never really thought about it until now, but I guess I’ve always known I did not have an aunt or uncle around who was like Uncle Jesse from Full House or Aunt Hilda from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. That is likely why I strive to be there for my nephews and nieces now, even if I do not always know how to be because I didn’t have a real-life example.

I am hard on myself, thinking I should reach out more and build better relationships, but I struggle with not wanting to be a bother or feeling like I can’t relate. Especially with my older niece and nephew—the ones I did not have the means to make a big impression on like I can with my little niece and nephew, who are only seven and five. Since they were born, I have been more stable in life, but with my older niece and nephew, I was still a kid myself when they were born, with no resources and struggling just to get by. If you know me or have read my older blogs, you know I left home at 17, got married, and moved to San Antonio, where I had no family. I usually only traveled to see family at Christmas, and as the years went by and my stability grew, I tried to make that trip extra special for them every time.

This past Christmas was the first year I did not see them during the holiday, which was hard to accept. I know they are young adults with their own lives, but it still made me a bit sad. I don’t want to lose touch with them. I want them to know I am always here for them and think about them always. I just don’t know how to approach/build that relationship because I never had that family sitcom relationship model. They also have other aunts who are awesome and lived closer to them, so I sometimes feel a little inferior. I do appreciate that their mom would bring them to San Antonio once a year during spring break. They would convince me to call in to work to go to Sea World and we would stay up eating junk food and making pizzas…it seems like just yesterday and a long time ago at the same time.

After last Christmas, I made it a point to prioritize spending time with family and being there for my little niece and nephew in ways I could not be for the older ones. It fills my heart to hear that they are excited to see me. I am glad I can do things for them that I couldn’t do before. Not only things I could not do with the older ones, but the ones that I do not even have a relationship with. I have nieces and nephews that I have only seen a handful of times because until recently, I did not have a close relationship with their dads because of our big sibling age gap.

It is Día de los Muertos, and I have been thinking about my Tía Gloria, who passed away this year. I met her and most of my aunts on my mom’s side for the first time last year in Mexico. My Tía Gloria easily became my favorite. She was, as Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez described in Tías and Primas: On Knowing and Loving the Women Who Raise Us, the epitome of La Tía Escandalosa. She was unapologetically herself, equally full of love, charisma, and swear words. I could not wait to go back and see her again. I am sad that I won’t get that chance, but I am grateful I got to meet her. After just one meeting, she left an impression that will last a lifetime. That gives me hope that if she could do that with one meeting, I can leave a memorable impression on my nieces and nephews as their Tía Nancy. La Tía who likes rocks?! La Tía who lives in San Antonio! La Tía Chillona who cries to celebrate all her nieces and nephews’ achievements, no matter how small. La Tía who desperately wants to be your favorite Tía, but loves you unconditionally either way!

As I write this, I am sipping a bit of mezcal in Tía Gloria’s memory. While I don’t participate in traditional Día de los Muertos activities, I honor my ancestors every day in my own way. Like many, I love the beautiful monarch butterflies that migrate to Michoacán, the place my mom’s family is from and where I visited with Tía Gloria. I keep a pollinator garden in my backyard that is thriving and frequently visited by monarchs. I like to think of them as my ancestors stopping by on their journey. Each time I see a monarch, I think of Michoacán and my family. My sister and I even got matching monarch tattoos last Christmas, honoring our mom and our heritage.

I thought I would start this blog and swiftly transition to talking about turning 35 last month and all that I’ve experienced this year, but apparently, I needed to talk about Aunts. So, my 2024 adventures will have to wait for another time. Stay tuned—it has been an adventurous year.

Me and my Tía Gloria. She threw a party for us, i had lots of mezcal/tequila and I was sweating my eyebrows off from dancing! lol

My Aunt Art skills, I drew his favorite monster trucks!

I’m pretty sure this was the time i called into work to go to Sea world with them.

Chingos of Shingles Ventures

Today I realized half the year is gone.

Today I left work basically on time and risked the flash flooding happening in San Antonio because I couldn’t bare the thought of sitting there wasting any more time with my salty thoughts.

Today I have shingles and find it impossible to RELAX. I just finished walking barefoot in my nightgown in the garage because I read it is helpful in distracting you from the uncomfortability brought on by shingles, but I was doing it more to distract me from my thoughts. Maybe that is why I couldn’t be bothered to put on proper attire, after all, they say you get shingles because of stress and for some reason, the longer I am left with my thoughts, the more stressed I get. I now have two blisters on my foot.

My initial reaction to learning I have shingles was to be pissed off. Great, this is exactly what I needed it. I pride myself in always delivering more than expected and I can’t do that when I am not feeling 100% However, if I am being honest, I have been struggling delivering the bare minimum even at 100% maybe this was the universe telling me the chill the F out. I have never been good at that. Alex always tells me I am a walking ball of stress.

What did I do with the first half of the year? I feel so disconnected from myself most of the time lately. I have no idea what I am focusing on. Trying to connect with things that don’t make sense. I can’t find a connection with who I wanted to be, who I am trying to be, and who I want to be. I have all the confidence in the world, but at the same time I have none. I can’t focus on anything. I obsess over things that are decided, things I cannot change. I’ve always been this way. I still randomly think of things I did when I was younger and immediately feel embarrassed and torment myself with all the ways I could have done them differently.

Instead of taking Monday off because I spent Sunday evening at urgent care and didn’t get much sleep because of the shingles, I showed up to work early on Monday. I had committed to conducting a Phase I ESA training session early in the morning in support of projects starting this week. Why did I feel that was more important than my health? I told my boss I had shingles and she told me she worked while she had them. Apparently, I can’t let anyone work harder than me.

I started this blog post because writing usually helps me sort through things in my head and boy my head is hopping. I feel like most of this has been a pity party, so I will end it with some highlights since my last post:

I signed up and got accepted to take my final Professional Geoscientist licensure exam! However, I have not told anyone because I don’t want anyone to know if I fail.
Alex cut off his hair, the same hair I said I would break up with him if he cut off! But he looks so good!!! It is like I have a new boyfriend/partner/not fiancé/husband!
I booked our vacation for next month! We are taking my nieces, one of which just graduated high school and has a full ride to TCU!!!!! I am such a proud Tia! I feel like we have made it. Breaking generational patterns left and right. She is headed to bigger better things. The world better watch out, Emily is on her way!
Oh yeah, we finally moved into our house!!!!

Breathing in and out….thinking happy thoughts! ❤

This is what I look like as I write this post, pretty much a reflection of how I feel. Yes, I walked in this nightgown and yes, I do wear nightgowns on occasion, especially when they have cute bears that reflet my moods and when I need loose clothing to help with shingles.

Introducing you to the new Alex! He smiles way harder now that he has fab hair!

Scout enjoying her favorite spot in the new house which happens to be next to my new favorite statement cactus by the entrance.

Aventuras con mi Latinidad and Femininity

If you haven’t noticed already, I have not been making this blog a priority. I have started a few posts since the last, but haven’t seen any to the end because I’ve been working super hard at my day job and trying to keep my sanity as we enter a year not having a place of our own and having to deal with issues that pile on from my rental. I go back and forth with feelings of being an unstoppable badass and being a ball of stress.

My first almost post in March started with the questions: Do I fail as woman for missing international women’s day and not being all over women’s history month? Do I fail as a badass woman for not wanting to have it all? Am I failing for choosing to lay in bed instead of staying up and writing this blog?

I care way too much what people think. I wish I could be that unapologetic feminist or that unapologetic Latina, but that is just not me. In the spaces I frequent, I often find myself being a minority in more ways than one. At work, I am not only the one female geologist, but also the only Hispanic geologist. I am not as conservative as my peers and our backgrounds differ. I find myself in these spaces that sometimes feel like they weren’t meant for me, so I try to assimilate the best way I can by not announcing to the group how different I am, by not posting anything about women’s history month or even acknowledging international women’s day.

Recently, during an innocent conversation about theater arts, I mentioned that I was in a play called Real Women Have Curves. The older white male I was talking to had never heard of this and asked what the play was about. I explained it was a Latina coming of age story. He asked if I was into “La Raza.” I had no words to respond to this and my mouth vomited out no. Then I thought about it and said yes? I babbled some explanation that tried to justify caring about my background, but explained that I wasn’t over the top about it. I could kick myself. What is the correct answer to this?! I realize I am a Latina, and I am proud to be and would not let anyone treat me less than, but I try not to make that my whole identity. I am so much more than Latina. I do assimilate or “code switch” to fit into my environment and be respected and not seen as someone trying to catch a break because I have struggled, been under represented, or otherwise discriminated against. I do not want anyone to doubt for a second that I haven’t worked hard and long to get here. I do not have to shout my Latinidad or femininity, you can see it in my work ethic, attire, contributions, and in my skin when I walk through the door each day. I don’t have to announce it when I live it every day by forcing myself through spaces that weren’t meant for me. I hold myself accountable to everyone because my nieces and everyone coming after me depend on me to make these spaces welcoming for them.

I do feel guilty sometimes for making myself palatable. It is a balancing act trying to fit in all the places and its hard not to feel lost sometimes. Like a true Latina, I have to quote the Selena movie and say Edward James Olmos said it best “We have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time! It’s exhausting!”

That being said, I did kick some ass in March!

I had the pleasure of attending the AmTech Career Academy career fair in Amarillo, Texas. I created an “Ask a geologist poster” to encourage kids to ask questions about what I do. I genuinely love what I do. I have no idea how many times I said that or how many times I made the joke “It is not rocket science; it is rock science!” I had a small appearance in the Driller newscast. I got a substantial raise that I asked for at the beginning of the year, but had been working to earn since I got here.

The days leading up to this career fair, I worked long hours on the most brutal proposal to date, but getting to experience this at the end of the week was one of the most rewarding things I’ve done since starting this job. #GeologyRocks

I almost threw up when i saw this in my inbox, i still haven’t watched it.

If you are that unapologetic feminist or that unapologetic Latina that has a fire burning inside you, I see you, I support you, and I wish I didn’t complicated things for myself and could hold such passion and fearlessness.

I still have my old playbill from my acting days. I am the extra brown one in the middle.

As our reward after that hard proposal mentioned in the career fair picture, we got to do the most popular hike at Palo Duro Canyon to the lighthouse. Since we went after the career fair and because it was before spring forward, it was dark by the time we got to the lighthouse. They might not be Latina or geologists, but i do work with some badass women that make my day to day so much better with their friendship and guidance.

Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Love is in the air…if not love then definably a bunch of heart shaped balloons and flowers. Sometimes I feel like I am broken. I asked Alex this weekend if he was okay being with me even if I am not “head over heels” for him. I’m sure many people would think I’m being mean or harsh talking to him that way, but I pride myself in always being genuine about my feelings with him and I know that we are both adults that can have a meaningful conversation without getting hurt and angry (most of the time).

Especially during this past year of living with his parents, it has been easy to get caught up in everyday life and neglect why we are even together. In an effort to do something nice and get us a bit of privacy and time together, Alex booked a spa day and weekend getaway for Valentine’s Day. I’m sure my reaction was not what he expected. Instead of being excited, I was immediately stressed out about the amount of money this was going to cost. I don’t like surprises. What if I was on my period that weekend? Did he consider that our car would need an oil change before we traveled, the cost of gas, the cost of food, the fact that we will need to spend quite a bit to furnish our new home in the near future?! Does he not want to get out of here and settled as soon as we can?! Long story short, I was not thrilled and excited about it. The years of issues and insecurities about money came crawling out and I did not want to go. I’ve always been uncomfortable spending money, even when I have it to spend, holding on to it just in case.

Alex has a “There is more where that came from” mentality, even if there isn’t more, he trusts that there will be. He never worries about anything. It frustrates the mess out of me because I worry about everything. After much debate, we decided to still have our weekend getaway, but opted for one less treatment at the spa and a nice, but more affordable hotel.

We went to a Korean spa in Katy, Texas called Spa World. Last year, Alex had seen a Tik Tok about Korean scrubbing, bought the scrub mitts, and we started scrubbing each other weekly. When we decided we wanted to get it done professionally, Spa World was the closest place we found, but we never scheduled it.

I’m so happy we finally went, 10 out of 10 would do again. We had the general admission and booked a Men’s Scrub Plus and Woman’s Scrub and Foot. The scrub was great, the numerous saunas were nice, but I think my favorite part was the bath/pool area experience. The bath area/spa pools are traditional, you must shower and be completely naked to use them. I was very uncomfortable and highly intimidated at first, covering myself and trying hard to look at anyone. Eventually I did start looking and noticing all the comfortable women around me. It became a positive experience being able to see women with bodies of every shape, size, and age be okay in their own skin in a non-sexual way. It was kind of empowering, by the end of the day I wasn’t walking around clinging to my towel. I got comfortable.

We had too many nachos and margaritas that evening at Jimmy Changas, best picadillo ever! Woke up to have Coffee Milk Tea at Long Coffee (this was so good we stopped to get it on our way back to SA too). Alex catered to my inner geology nerd by taking me to the Houston Museum of Natural Science followed by an impromptu wine picnic at Hermann Park. I remembered why I am with him. I love him and how we can just be together anywhere and have the best time, just the two of us. Cue Grover Washington, Jr.

Spa World has a cafe. Must admit this was the least impressive part of the spa, food was meh and pricey, will skip this next time we go.

I’m not sure what is going on with my face here. I guess I can’t just look happy and relaxed like Alex.

Looking refreshed leaving the spa. I think i showered like 5 times while at the spa!

Good Eats! Anytime we spot a waffle house, it is a must stop. Jalapeno butt cheeks on my nacho. Best coffee drink ever and yummy margaritas.

Favorite part of the museum was definitely energy city.

At the park watching Alex take a picture of our wine for this blog post! A cute duck posing for me 🙂

Another picture of our handy carivino wine tumbler.

He even got me the perfect Valentine’s Day card this year, geology puns and all. ❤

I never get the time to make the cards I wish I could make for you each year but this one was to gneiss to pass up, I love you more each day and can only hope our love builds something as strong and eternal as the rocks that build our world. I lava you very much!

2021 Adventures

I did not do everything I planned, and I was not everything I wanted to be this year, but that’s okay. If the past two years have taught me anything, is that so much uncertainty mocks the ideas of a before and after that I have in my head when I set specific resolutions. In order to ease some of the pressure on myself, I am simply resolving to appreciate any little win and try to be better than the person I was yesterday.

This year has been so crazy, I haven’t had time to share things I would have normally shared. Here are a few pictures from some of my adventures this year:

Vegas, September 2021.

Stagedoor Casino. Hands down our favorite place to drink, super affordable and such a relax local atmosphere.

Eating at Gordon Ramsay Pub and Grill inside Caesars Palace. It was alright, had way better food other places at way more affordable prices. Service was the best part, great waiter.

Ellis Island Hotel and Casino was our actual favorite place to eat. Prime Rib and inhouse brews at great prices! I wished he looked at me that way! 🙂

Meow Wolf Las Vegas @ Area1. My brother wanted to go, it was cool, especially for pictures, but i wouldnt say it is a must see.

The High Roller. Alex was pretty wasted, he fell asleep shortly after walking in. I had imagined us being like that couple in the background, oh well, maybe next time! lol The view was nice.

Broadacres Marketplace. We woke up and went to have breakfast/brunch/lunch. Such good food and they had the best live music. Not close to the strip at all, but worth the 25-minute uber ride, would go again!

Fremont. I loved being in this strip more than “the strip.” first time trying white castle.

The Golden Tiki was our favorite bar outside the strip area, great drinks, music, and overall vibes. Roulette is our game of choice.

I got to be a bridesmaid this year! It was such a fun experience. Overall, it made our friendship stronger and started new friendships with some amazing ladies.

Being asked to be a bridesmaid after a hike, picking the dress, and getting ready on the big day.

The bachelorette party was in Scottsdale, Arizona after Hurricane Ida changed our original NOLA plans. September 2021.

Hiking Camelback Mountain was probably the most memorable, but there were definitely great drinks, great friends, and great times!

Our annual National Park Road Trip was in October 2021 and included Saguaro, Joshua Tree, and Death Valley.

Saguaro was more than I expected, great, easy hikes. We camped at Catalina State Park and drove out to Saguaro. Catalina State Park was beautiful, and I wish we had time to explore there. They had nice clean restrooms and showers! SanTan PebbleHead was our favorite Arizona beer.

Had to get a Saguaro buddy to help us get around.

Joshua Tree was so windy, could not get a good picture. The day we drove in, it started storming while we tried to put up our tent. It was great times!

Easy hikes and so much to explore. One big playground.

Death Valley is my new favorite National Park! As a geologist, this has everything I could want to see! It was huge! We went hours without seeing people when we did primitive roads.

Artist Palette. These crappy pictures do it no justice. I wish i would have gotten some of the drive out, it was so impressive!

Dante’s View. Once again, these crappy pictures do it no justice! i got to see alluvial fans in all their glory!

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year!

Chocobo Ventures

Lots of things have me on the verge of a mental breakdown these days, but this last news really has me feeling like I am in serious need of a mental health day. I can’t stop thinking about it, but I haven’t had the time and a safe space where I can breakdown and mourn without being questioned.

I’ve been consistently on the verge of tears since I read the news and before leaving work today, I asked my boss if I could use the office after hours to work on some things. I didn’t tell her those things are my feelings.

Santos’ middle brother passed away. Santos is the oldest of 3 brothers. I found out while nonchalantly scrolling through Instagram. I couldn’t believe it. I honestly still can’t believe it. As far as I was concerned, David was going to definitely outlast his brothers. He always had this larger than life energy about him.

For my sanity and out of respect for Santos, I cut pretty much all ties with his family on social media, my exception was David’s wife. I couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to see the pictures of their beautiful daughter, who called me tia in the beginning of her life. This was my family too, for a long time they were all I had in San Antonio.

He was my brother for so long, 10 years. We shared an apartment with David for the better part of our first two years of marriage. I still remember the first time I met him in person. He drove from San Antonio to Fort Worth to pick up Santos when he was moving to San Antonio to prepare for me to join him after my graduation from high school. He looked at me and smiled, that huge, big, David smile and said, “man she’s gorgeous” as he extended his arm to me and turned back to look at Santos. I knew I was going to like him from that moment I met him. All three brothers have those gorgeous smiles, but David also had this confidence and swag that made it shine just a little bit more. It breaks my heart for his wife, his kids, his brothers, his parents, and everyone that loved him that we won’t be able to see that confident smile again.

I hate that I was so blindsided by this, like I said before, I had stopped talking and following all of them because Santos had moved on and I wanted to respect that. If you have read my previous blogs, you know that on occasion I would breakdown and snoop. This never turned out well for me and so I have tried extra hard to stop doing it. I did it again after finding out and saw he had been battling cancer. I can kick myself for not staying in touch with his wife or his parents. I want them to know I’ve never stopped caring about them and loving them. They all forever hold a place in my heart.

Anytime I get in my pity potty, life throws some perspective. I’m alive and healthy and I need to be thankful every day for that. I wish I could gain that perspective without having to learn such gut-wrenching news.

There are so many stories and things that remind me of David, but the most prevalent is from the time we lived together. I can clearly picture him lying on the couch playing Final Fantasy, running around looking for what I called and ostrich, but was actually a chocobo. That TV in the living room was our only entertainment, so I often found myself sitting there watching him play. I really hope he is chillin ridding that ostrich to his next adventure right now….

Don Julio always reminds me of him too, he had good taste. When we take a shot, my brother always toasts the same thing (which I love and gets me in my feels):
“Para todos los que estamos, Para todos los que faltan, y Para todos los que lla no estan…” Meaning: “For everyone that is here, for everyone that is missing, and for everyone that is no longer with us.”

I know I need better ways of dealing with my feelings, but this one hurts. This is one is for you David.

Vehicle Shopping Ventures

I have been so off lately, juggling many things going on. I feel like today as I sit and drink my coffee with nothing in particular to do, I can finally breath. Alex and I have been together 5 years now and earlier in the year I told him if we reached 5 years and we were still living at his parents’ house, I was going to break up with him.

I know…I’m a bit dramatic, but I meant it when I said it. Mostly because I never truly imagined getting to six months living with his parents. It has been very frustrating and disturbing not being able to find peace and calm by myself in my own home. Home is where we go to reset and I feel like I haven’t been able to reset in a while. It is a big reason why I haven’t been able to sit and write anything, I feel like I can’t think in this space. Navigating my frustrations has not been easy. I would love to say that I am a patient and mature adult, pero se me sube lo Pasillas.

I feel like this has been me lately, either or, no in-between!

I hate when I don’t follow through with things I say. It always makes me feel so vulnerable, like now nothing I say will be taken seriously. If I ever give Alex a serious ultimatum, would he just think back to this and remember that I was all talk?! It makes me think of the children’s book, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. If you give a mouse a cookie, he is going to ask for a glass of milk…If I let you get away with this, what else would you want to get away with?!

This actually has nothing to do with Alex and a lot to do with the defense mechanisms I built after my relationship with Santos. The biggest being my inability to forgive. Why should I forgive?! Even if I do forgive, I’m definitely not forgetting…I’m keeping track of that shit and you best believe if you are a repeat offender, you won’t even get cookie crumbs… don’t worry guys, Alex hasn’t done anything wrong and I’m not blowing this out of proportion…I’m actually just thinking of a friend and what I would do if I was in her situation.

It’s so easy for me on the outside looking in to be like “oh hell no, leave his ass!” I’m sure someone could have said the same to me when I was with Santos, but I didn’t leave. Not the first, second, third, fourth…honestly, I lost count of how many times he betrayed my trust. I forgave him so many times and he kept doing the same things because he knew I always took him back. I forgave him because I was scared of the unknown. I knew how to live life with him and it wasn’t always bad. I knew his family and he knew my family. What would I say to them?! What would they think? So many conversations that were easier to just avoid because I knew how to navigate life with him and I was sure it would be harder without him. After all, I knew Santos loved me and I loved him. What if I left and I didn’t find someone else to love me? What if I never loved again? All the thoughts and what ifs made me suck it up and deal.

The truth is that it was hard, but no harder than anything else in life, and not harder than staying and being unhappy. There was a lot of inconveniences, learning to navigate new things, and figuring out finances, but when you are in the middle of it, you just do it because you have to. I took it one day at a time, one problem at a time, and just worked through it.

The difference finally deciding to leave made in my life really makes me question why I didn’t do it sooner.

Recently, I caved and finally got a new car. I had been driving the same Tiguan for years, I loved that car. It was a money pit and there was always something wrong with it, but I did not care. I wanted to drive that car until it couldn’t go anymore. Alex thought I was crazy and didn’t understand my attachment to the vehicle. I told him that prior to the Tiguan, I drove an old Kia Sportage that made all kinds of noises and had no AC. The Tiguan was the first nice big thing I ever got for myself.

I’m mentioning my car buying experiences because it really drives the point on how life changing having the right partner can be.

The first thing to note is that when I was driving the Kia Sportage with no AC in the Texas heat, to and from work and school, Santos was driving the nicer vehicle with AC because he had a longer commute. I never really questioned this because I was happy that I was no longer taking the bus. When I told Alex this, he could not believe that a man, my husband, would put himself before me like that. Now that I live with his parents, I have personally heard his dad say that his wife is first, his son is second, and then it’s him. His dad works the hardest, makes the most money, and he drives the oldest most beat up car, while his wife and son both drive nice Mercedes. I know without a doubt that Alex would never put himself before me.

I made the decision to buy myself the Tiguan in grad school after getting enough cash back from my loans to payoff Santos’ vehicle so we no longer had that payment. I don’t really know why he wasn’t supportive when I told him I was looking for a vehicle, but he wasn’t and made me go look by myself. When I came back with the Tiguan, he was upset that it was a German car and that it was going to cost more to maintenance and upkeep. I had no idea, I knew nothing about cars, all I knew is that I needed a car with AC. He was also upset that the vehicle wasn’t manly enough, he felt self-conscious driving it. He didn’t want to help me find a car, so I’m glad I said tough shit and kept my Tiguan. Maybe this was the beginning of a shift in my mindset, good for you Nancy!

Even though Alex wanted me to get a new car a long time ago, he didn’t push me because it was my money and he wasn’t going to tell me what to do with it. He was constantly having to bail me out of car trouble and on numerous occasions I had to drive his vehicle while my Tiguan was getting repaired. You should have seen him when I finally said I was ready to give up my Tiguan, he had a whole list of vehicles to show me before I could finish my sentence. I learned way more than I wanted to about cars while looking because he wanted me to know exactly what I was getting into. He happily drove me to Dallas to pick up the best value for my money vehicle we found. There simply is no comparison. I can’t believe I settled for so long simply because I was scared of the unknown.

FYI, I actually did remind him that I told him I was going to leave him, but honestly, it would be the stupidest thing I could possibly do. Too many things out of our control have caused the house to take longer than expected and I know this has been just as hard on him. I’m so blessed to have someone that lets me express my sometimes-wild feelings and helps bring me back to sanity.

One perk of living with his parents is that we have been able to travel without having to worry about the cats and Scout. Since my last post we have been to Las Vegas and also did our annual National Parks vacation, this year to Saguaro, Joshua Tree, and Death Valley. Stay tuned for that blog and pictures.