I don’t have to say that life has been crazy, we all know it’s been unprecedented times (9 months into the pandemic) and that maybe these crazy times or maybe the heat from global warming has made people act a bit crazier than usual. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I’ve been too busy with work and life to take too much time to think about, which is good because it’s in my nature to over analyze and worry. I spend so much of my time working these days that I broke my own rule about writing a blog post a week due to sheer exhaustion. I was starting to feel sorry for myself, but I’ve recently found myself repeating the mantra that I’m exactly where I wanted to be.
There have been times where I sit in my office and just read and research all day, nothing back breaking, and nothing too incredibly exciting. Those days I find myself wondering if I get paid too much for what I do. I end the day feeling guilty that I got paid in one day just about what my mom used to make in a week while I was growing up. Then there are weeks like last week, my second week out of my office onsite for what is apparently the underground storage tank removal from hell. I say apparently because it’s my first one, so I have nothing to compare it to, but everyone says they are never this complicated. While in this active construction zone, I’m the health and safety officer, official note taker, photographer, and general as needed labor. I set up a table and chairs as a makeshift desk for me and the project manager to set up our laptops and work on things related to the tank pull and sneak in our regular duties when we can.
One of my new regular duties is to look through this database of bid opportunities to see if there are any that look worthwhile to pursue and I send them to upper management to say yay or nay. I found one that looked very promising, sent it out, and got a let’s do it. I’ve been involved with large bids before, but normally a project manager takes the lead on them, but somehow I became the lead on this one. I had secretly wanted to take the lead on one, but the reality of being given this opportunity while I’m not even working in the office induced major panic, especially because there is a time sensitive compliance plan attached that I have no prior experience with and after reading it a few times, I still wasn’t 100 % sure about. Long story short, I’ve been getting up at 5AM to get ready for work, going to work and working until about 5:30PM (If I’m lucky), driving the hour it takes me to get home (traffic), spend 30 minutes sitting contemplating my life, finally get up and have some sort of dinner with Alex, and then work for a bit until I’m too tired to keep going and go to bed (sometimes I don’t even get to that last work part). All the while stressing about all the other commitments I made to myself that I’m neglecting for this (like working out and this blog).
I kept taking small moments to think about how I haven’t had one real workout his month, how I haven’t had one blog this month, how I haven’t packed one lunch this month. I realized that another thing I haven’t done is take the moment to stop and organize my time. Instead I’ve been running through the motions trying not pass out, feeling sorry for myself wondering if everyone else is working this hard and wondering why I’m working this hard. I kept thinking not everyone puts in more than 40 hours a week and not everyone produces the amount and quality of work that I do in the same amount of time and then even thinking about how much they make compared to me?! This was just making me cranky and I had to snap out of it and remind myself not to worry about anyone, to just worry about myself and focus on my work and I know everything will fall in place and come back around. After all, this is exactly where I want to be. I wanted to be in the field, I wanted to be in charge of a project, and I want to be badass on the delivery of those so I will do whatever that takes.
So here I am worrying about anyone else and starting my blog again. I’m trying to incorporate exercise by walking around the jobsite during downtime and helping do heavy lifting. I bought a salad from the grocery store down the street instead of piggy backing from whatever take out place the field technicians go to. Little wins!
I started this entry with the intention of introducing my cats because I realized I still haven’t introduced my cats and I can’t have Scout thinking that she is the end all be all, plus talking about my cats makes me happy and with everything being so crazy, I want to be happy dammit! Unfortunately, explaining why I missed the first part of the month got lengthy so stay tune to hear about my cats soon!