I just keep lying to myself when I say I am going to try to be better about this blog. If Olivia Rodrigo thinks its brutal out here at 17, just wait until 31! Life really just gets a bit more hectic. I guess that means I’m truly living right? If living just means not wasting away being a potato (although I wouldn’t mind being a potato right now). For anyone who hasn’t heard the SOUR album, it’s actually not bad, I would say she is this generation’s Avril Lavigne. The album genuinely took me back to my younger years, even though I could not really relate to heartbreak in those days, there was zero dating for me until my senior year which ended with marriage to Santos. A lot of those songs did remind me of him. He too said forever and I wondered how he was okay with me being gone. Thankfully, I am not alone, its actually quite the opposite these days.
I ended my last blog stating to stay tuned to for the excitement that is living with Alex’s parents. There are so many things that have made the stay with Alex’s parents a bit of a challenge. I’ve mentioned several times that I am a selfish person and by nature I think we are all kind of partial to want to get what we want right?! I want to be able to get home, kick off my shoes, take off my bra, and be a potato. Instead, I get home and have to say hello, answer questions about my day, ask about other people’s day, and I can never walk to the kitchen to get water without my bra on. The whole having to wear a bra thing is really making me cranky. Who invented these things anyway?!
There was a day when I got home and took of my bra in the room and so desperately did not want to put one back on to go downstairs that I didn’t, but then I felt guilty because it looks like I’m being rude just locked up upstairs. I could hear Alex’s parents asking him about me. I know, I feel like this is a very “first world problem,” but there is nothing like having a place to call your own where you don’t have to answer to anyone. Isn’t that why I bought a house to begin with? I really hope those guys are enjoying my house. I have nothing but love and great memories when I think about my little casita, she was the coziest and I couldn’t have left her looking any better.
I promise I am not a horrible person. I really appreciate Alex’s parents and everything they are doing for us. I know their hearts are always in the right place, they just don’t always understand things. Like they try to be nice and keep the fridge and pantry stocked with things they think we would like, but I keep telling them I am following a particular diet and they still can’t understand when I tell them I can’t eat the jumbo bag of chips or chocolates. I keep being told that a little bit isn’t going to hurt me. Having to repeat myself to no avail is a common occurrence these days.
One thing that I didn’t think was going to bother me as much as it does it how much they have grown to love Scout. I don’t even mind the jokes about her possibly staying when we leave (obviously there is no way, she is our dog). What I do mind is all the habits we had formed that I literally cried about and almost broke up with Alex about that have been broken. Starting with the fact that they won’t stop feeding her, not for lack of me saying not to feed her of course. Every time I catch them giving her something I make a comment and I’m sure they think I’m a total bitch that hates her dog, but it precisely because I have grown to truly love Scout that I care that they are feeding her half a tub of Cheeto puffs. It got so bad she no longer eats the dog food she used to run laps for before. Their version of not feeding her is giving her two puppuccinos a day instead of 4. A handful of cheerios instead of a full bowl. Alex and I are gone most of the day, there really was no stopping his parents from getting her into these habits and when we leave, Scout is going to be the one hurting. I’m genuinely scared for the day we move out with Scout because she doesn’t know any better, what if she thinks we don’t love her because all the fancy treats are going to stop?
I know there is no malice with anything they do. I know they genuinely love Scout and can’t resist her big puppy brown eyes. I know they love us and want us to feel comfortable. They even love the cats, but I also love the cats and I don’t give them ribs to eat! I feel like such a helicopter pet mom, which is not something I would have ever thought I would be. I just want them to live their best lives for as long as they can.
The worst thing has been that all these things have caused tension between Alex and I because I expect him to do something, but there really is nothing he can do since they won’t listen to him either. I’m trying not to be a crappy person and walk around upset all the time. Trying is definitely the key word, I wasn’t very successful all of July. July was pretty brutal at work, which I can normally handle because I can go home after a long day and just sit and not worry about anything, but I can’t even fart in this house without feeling like I’m being too loud and worrying that someone is going to hear me. If I can’t fart, imagine what other things I can’t do here…the wonder I’m so grumpy.
I told Alex that I hate it here way too much last month and blamed him for everything, but the truth is I am a grown woman who made the decision to come be a part of this mess for my partner in life. I know it is not going to be forever and that when we get to where we are going it would have all been worth it. Cheers to a better August, in which I will choose not to make myself miserable because I wake up every day in an able body and that is a win in itself.