My venture with my boyfriend/partner/fiancé/husband?!?

Alex is the venture that keeps on venturing…get it like the gift that keeps on giving?! I’m pretty sure he has told me more than once that if I have to explain my jokes, then they are not funny, but I’m still laughing at how clever I think I am. Additionally, I usually still get a smile from him because he is laughing at me instead of with me, but I get to see his smile, which still makes me feel like I’m winning and makes it worth it. 😀

Boyfriend, partner, fiancé, husband, what do I call him? None of those words encompass our relationship, I know it’s just a word/title and we know what we are and that there is nothing to prove, but he deserves to get some recognition for all the work he has put in and continuously puts in everyday; that guy shows up, even when I don’t want to show up somedays.

Some background:

I need a whole blog series (which I plan to do) to truly paint a picture, but in short, Alex and I have been together over 3 years. We met at work, in a banking job where you are not supposed to date people you work with because of risks involved with people being in “cahoots.” Our relationship has been a secret from most of the world (or so I liked to think, but apparently we are not great at keeping secrets) and until recently (I finally left this job in March) I didn’t acknowledge it out loud to anyone except my family and very close friends. Most people wrote him off as a rebound because our relationship started shortly after the end of my ten year marriage, even I tried to think of him as a rebound, but we were all wrong. Alex decided he was here to stay and when he decides something, he figures out how to make it happen. For me, he made it happen with his cooking skills, just kidding, but they certainly don’t hurt! Having the right companion (this makes him sound like a pet) truly makes a difference, he has pushed me to continuously work on improving all aspects of my life, since being with him I have reached so many milestones I only dreamed or didn’t dream of achieving previously. Don’t get me wrong, anyone who knows me, knows I’m not and “all about my guy” type of gal, I’m usually quite the opposite, but I’m giving credit where credit’s due. I know I’m a total badass and at the end of the day it’s my hard work and dedication that has helped me accomplish all the things, but Alex’s advice, support, and encouragement has made all the difference. Could I have done it without him? Sure, but I’m glad I didn’t have to.

Boyfriend?

This is how I most frequently refer to Alex, but I cringe every time I say it because I feel like this word is definitely not good enough for an adult relationship. Alex is definitely my friend, best friend actually, but he is definitely not a boy. This reminds me of the Sex and the City movie when Big asks “Aren’t I a little old to be introduced as your boyfriend? Carrie then calls him her “man-friend.” Big says “that sounds like a dog” and he isn’t wrong. Our relationship is too developed to simply say boyfriend/girlfriend; we live together, we have 3 cats and 1 dog, we have a car in both our names, we talk and plan for our future, it just seems incorrect to use the same word that describes young relationships.

Partner?

Alex is very much my partner in life; since he came into my life he has been by my side along every adventure cheering me on while plotting our next venture. Alex has done all of this while always being in the background and having little to no acknowledgement because of the circumstances surrounding our relationship. Even though Alex is my partner, saying partner always feels wrong because I feel like it’s reserved by the LBGTQ community to describe couples who had been together and committed to each other for a long time, but until recently, were not able to get married. Using the word partner feels like I’m taking something from that community and for that reason I refrain from using it.

Fiancé?

This is definitely not the word to describe him because we are not engaged to be married; not because we don’t value our relationship, but because I have been married before and the idea of being engaged sounds a bit silly to me. We either want to be married or we don’t. We are committed to each other and when and if we decide to get married, we will just do it, no need for an engagement. What about being engaged to have time to plan a wedding? I don’t want it; I can find other adventures we can both enjoy for fractions of the cost. I’m okay with sounding a bit cynical when it comes to this, like I said in my previous post, I’m selfish. I’m selfish because I spent 10 years of my life not being selfish, giving every part of myself I could give, just to be told it wasn’t enough. I’m going to do me and Alex embraces that, and I love him so much more for it.

Husband?

When I first met Alex I flat out told him I never wanted to be married again and if he wanted to be with me, then he had to acknowledge and be okay with that. I absolutely meant it, I still don’t really want to get married, but Alex is basically my husband. My mom calls him my husband, I even occasionally call him my husband to strangers, but legally he is not my husband. If he was in critical condition in a hospital, I would have no say in what happens to him, for this reason, I have considered it, but because I still know it’s only a piece of paper and we are more of a “married couple” than some real married couples are, I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m just like, lets do this thing. I know that sucks for him, but I told him from the beginning, so for now, I don’t feel right calling him my husband.

My boyfriend, who is my partner, definitely not my fiancé, but kind of like my husband: