I Can and I Will IV

It’s no surprise that shortly after I started school, he lost his job at the appliance store, except this time his brother lost his job too and with neither of them working, we had to vacate the apartment. I was still working at Handy Andy, but those $8 an hour didn’t go very far towards a two bedroom apartment, a car payment, and living expenses. We moved in with his aunt and here is where it happened the first time, it might have happened in small ways before, but this is the first time I really felt betrayal and deceit.

He had done so many things prior to this moment, but I always justified it because he had a rough upbringing and I figured his anger issues were an outcome of this. Eventually I will start at the beginning and talk about all those things and the things that made me fall in love with him; I know it’s long winded, but I’m still just telling my higher education story.

At his aunt’s house we had a room with just a bed and a dresser, nothing special. I appreciate them taking us in and we did pay them some money for the room, but man was it uncomfortable living there, this part of the family always gave me a bad vibe, so I could never be comfortable there. One evening when I got out of the shower, I walked in the room to lay down and he was already laying down, seemingly asleep. I turn off the light and laid down trying to go to sleep, but even these days, it takes me a long time to actually fall asleep, but to anyone looking, it definitely appeared like I was sleeping. So as I’m laying there, I feel him sit up and normally I would question this and say something like “where are you going?”, but honestly that room is all we had, there was nowhere to go, so I stayed quiet to see what he was going to do. He sat at the edge of the bed and got on his phone, this isn’t like today where you can be on your phone surfing the web, checking Facebook, reading the news, this was an old flip phone over ten years ago, he could have been playing snake, but he wasn’t.

I waited for what felt like an eternity and then slowly got up and behind him to see what was keeping him so long on his phone. Donna. She was his lead singer’s sister. Have I mentioned he was in a band and had dreams of making it big and becoming a Rock star? Yeah, I know how to pick them…he had the long hair and he played guitar…I even thought he could possibly do it one day, but I outgrew that real quick, he did not.

He waited until he thought I was asleep so he could talk to Donna. He went out of his way to wait for that moment and do what he was probably thinking about and waiting to do all day. Was this the first time, or did he always wait until I fell asleep to talk to Donna? I didn’t always go to band practice with him, so I’m sure he was talking to her there, and was it just talking? Everyone knew we were married, she saw us together all the time and I hate to talk about women this way, but damn she was a whore and want to be ghetto model! Sorry, I don’t usually say things like that, but I still remember all their names and I still remember the feeling I felt at the exact moment I discovered what was going on with any of the women he has “talked” to. Every single one of the women he talked to knew he was married, it’s flabbergasting to think about, but I guess he always knew exactly what to say. Even after we separated, I actually got an apology message from a girl, I didn’t even know existed, apologizing and telling me that he made it sound like I was bad guy. Now I feel bad for calling Donna a whore, she wasn’t the one married to me, who made a commitment to our relationship, it was him.

This is the random message I received. I said my final I’m done to him in November 2017 and he officially moved out December 2017, he did still try and talk to me, but not much. This wasn’t even the woman that was the last straw for me, I still have no idea who this is, but she knew who I was.

I confronted him and got into an argument and it ended with him leaving. He left to stay at his parent’s house and I was left in this house with strangers (like I said, I never got good vibes there), juggling work and my first semester back in school, while having no support system. Thankfully, their house was close to a bus stop and close enough to my job that I could walk if I needed to, but this was not the best part of San Antonio and I was still very new to the area, so I was uncomfortable all around; so uncomfortable that it wasn’t long before forgiving him was the best option.

No surprise that he was in-between jobs, after the appliance place he worked for a company that was a book and magazine vendor for stores like Target and Walmart and then he joined this medical transportation company that wrote him a hot check the first time he got paid, so things weren’t looking well financially. Living at his aunts or parents was not an option, but we could not afford to live on our own, so we moved in with one of his good friends, his wife, and their brand new baby. We rented a room upstairs and had our own restroom, so that was an upgrade.

I finished my first full year of community college at Palo Alto, I had done it, only one more easy breezy year to go and I could transfer to UTSA and pursue my new found love of geology! Alas, nothing can ever be as simple as just one more year. At the beginning of that fall semester, we had been living with our roomies for almost a year, battling the same issues we had consistently had, and one day, I just took a leap.

August 2010 I left him for the first time and only other time besides my final time. School has always been a priority, even when I was only 20 years old, starting my second year of college in a city I still didn’t know, with all my family four hours away, and living with my coworker in a trailer park.

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