My last blog entry was October of last year, after I visited Mexico and met my aunts for the first time. I did not grow up with a large extended family around me. It is not a conversation that comes up often, but I am a daughter of immigrants. My mom was the only one of her siblings in the United States, and her immigration status did not allow her to go back and forth to see her family. She left home as a teenager and never saw her mom in person again because her legal status had not changed by the time my grandma—whom I never met—passed on to a better place.
I did not have cousins and aunts to be close to, which is probably why I put so much effort into trying to be a good aunt to my nieces and nephews, even though I don’t always know how to be there. I never really thought about it until now, but I guess I’ve always known I did not have an aunt or uncle around who was like Uncle Jesse from Full House or Aunt Hilda from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. That is likely why I strive to be there for my nephews and nieces now, even if I do not always know how to be because I didn’t have a real-life example.
I am hard on myself, thinking I should reach out more and build better relationships, but I struggle with not wanting to be a bother or feeling like I can’t relate. Especially with my older niece and nephew—the ones I did not have the means to make a big impression on like I can with my little niece and nephew, who are only seven and five. Since they were born, I have been more stable in life, but with my older niece and nephew, I was still a kid myself when they were born, with no resources and struggling just to get by. If you know me or have read my older blogs, you know I left home at 17, got married, and moved to San Antonio, where I had no family. I usually only traveled to see family at Christmas, and as the years went by and my stability grew, I tried to make that trip extra special for them every time.
This past Christmas was the first year I did not see them during the holiday, which was hard to accept. I know they are young adults with their own lives, but it still made me a bit sad. I don’t want to lose touch with them. I want them to know I am always here for them and think about them always. I just don’t know how to approach/build that relationship because I never had that family sitcom relationship model. They also have other aunts who are awesome and lived closer to them, so I sometimes feel a little inferior. I do appreciate that their mom would bring them to San Antonio once a year during spring break. They would convince me to call in to work to go to Sea World and we would stay up eating junk food and making pizzas…it seems like just yesterday and a long time ago at the same time.
After last Christmas, I made it a point to prioritize spending time with family and being there for my little niece and nephew in ways I could not be for the older ones. It fills my heart to hear that they are excited to see me. I am glad I can do things for them that I couldn’t do before. Not only things I could not do with the older ones, but the ones that I do not even have a relationship with. I have nieces and nephews that I have only seen a handful of times because until recently, I did not have a close relationship with their dads because of our big sibling age gap.
It is Día de los Muertos, and I have been thinking about my Tía Gloria, who passed away this year. I met her and most of my aunts on my mom’s side for the first time last year in Mexico. My Tía Gloria easily became my favorite. She was, as Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez described in Tías and Primas: On Knowing and Loving the Women Who Raise Us, the epitome of La Tía Escandalosa. She was unapologetically herself, equally full of love, charisma, and swear words. I could not wait to go back and see her again. I am sad that I won’t get that chance, but I am grateful I got to meet her. After just one meeting, she left an impression that will last a lifetime. That gives me hope that if she could do that with one meeting, I can leave a memorable impression on my nieces and nephews as their Tía Nancy. La Tía who likes rocks?! La Tía who lives in San Antonio! La Tía Chillona who cries to celebrate all her nieces and nephews’ achievements, no matter how small. La Tía who desperately wants to be your favorite Tía, but loves you unconditionally either way!
As I write this, I am sipping a bit of mezcal in Tía Gloria’s memory. While I don’t participate in traditional Día de los Muertos activities, I honor my ancestors every day in my own way. Like many, I love the beautiful monarch butterflies that migrate to Michoacán, the place my mom’s family is from and where I visited with Tía Gloria. I keep a pollinator garden in my backyard that is thriving and frequently visited by monarchs. I like to think of them as my ancestors stopping by on their journey. Each time I see a monarch, I think of Michoacán and my family. My sister and I even got matching monarch tattoos last Christmas, honoring our mom and our heritage.
I thought I would start this blog and swiftly transition to talking about turning 35 last month and all that I’ve experienced this year, but apparently, I needed to talk about Aunts. So, my 2024 adventures will have to wait for another time. Stay tuned—it has been an adventurous year.
Nancy's Rocking Thoughts 